Comparison is often called the thief of joy.
I think that’s only half the story.
Comparison doesn’t just take joy.
It takes away appreciation.
It diverts our attention from important aspects of our own lives. Instead, it replaces these with a distorted scoreboard.
Yesterday, I met an old colleague from a former job. She looked at me and said,
“You still look the same. No signs of aging. I feel like I’ve aged so much.”
What she didn’t pause to acknowledge was everything her body has done over the last few years. Two pregnancies. Two births. All before the age of thirty-five. Experiences that are physically, emotionally, and biologically profound.
That’s not aging. That’s life happening.
Another friend joked with me recently,
“Too many weddings, yaar. My stomach is coming out.”
He’s also a Senior Vice President at a large financial institution before the age of thirty-eight.
There’s a lot to celebrate there. The stomach is just the easiest thing to notice.
Someone else told me, “You don’t have to do anything to stay fit. I’m struggling. I don’t even get time to train.”
What didn’t make it into that comparison was the context of his life. He has a child who went through serious health issues. Years of hospital visits. Sleepless nights. Showing up every day for work, then coming home to be there as a father and partner.
That’s not a lack of discipline. That’s responsibility and I think that is a big win for him.
Comparison flattens all of this.
It removes context.
It reduces complex lives into single visible outcomes.
When we compare, we often compare our behind-the-scenes with someone else’s highlight, and then judge ourselves for not measuring up.
Time has to be made for things that matter. That’s true.
But what matters changes with seasons.
Not every phase is about optimization.
Some phases are about endurance.
Others are about care.
Others are about rebuilding.
When comparison enters the picture, it convinces us we’re behind, when in reality we’re just in a different chapter.
I’m learning to ask a better question instead:
What am I overlooking in my own life that deserves respect right now?
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